CAMPING TIPS
* When using a public campground, a tuba placed on your picnic table will keep the campsites on either side vacant
* Get even with a bear who raided your cooler and food bag by kicking his favorite stump apart and eating all the ants
* Old socks can be made into a high-fiber beef jerky by smoking them over an open fire
* When smoking a fish, never inhale
* A hot rock placed in your sleeping bag will keep your feet warm. A hot enchilda works almost as well, but the hot cheese sticks between your toes
* The best backpacks for hiking are named after national parks & mountain ranges
* Steer clear of parks named after landfills
* While the Swiss Army Knife has been popular for years, the Swiss Navy Knife has remained largely unheralded. Its single blade functions only as a tiny canoe paddle
* Modern rainsuits made of fabrics that "breathe" enable campers to stay dry in a down-pour. Rain suits that sneeze, cough, and belch, however, have been proven to be absolutely useless in the wilderness
* Lint from your navel makes a handy firestarter. One warning though, remove the lint FIRST before lighting the match
* You'll never be lost if you remember that the moss always grows on the North side of your compass
* You can duplicate the warmth of a down-filled bedroll by climbing into a plastic garbage bag with several geese
* When camping, always remember to wear a long-sleeved shirt. It gives you something to wipe your nose with
* You can easily compress your rolled-up sleeping bag to put back in its sack by running it over with your tow vehicle
